


Loving Laura

by orphan_account



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: 2nd Person, F/F, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 09:56:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4955887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by a tumblr post and comment.  Carmilla ponders on how she fell in love with Laura.  Title comes from what I titled the file on my computer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loving Laura

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this](http://bolinshipskorrasami.tumblr.com/post/130709867928/tall-tiny-and-broody-hollstein-2x1-vs-2x36) post and bolinshipskorrasmi's comment.

          _Gods_ , you wonder how it came to this. You’re not talking about the Danny-is-dead thing, or the Vordernberg-is-dead thing, or the Laura-killed-a-man thing, or even the hiding-out-in-the-library thing. You’re talking about the loving-Laura thing.

          You’re sitting on the edge of a questionable old mattress you found conveniently laying in one corner of the library. Laura’s passed out behind you, her steady breathing calming you. You’re not sure where LaFontaine went, but you can’t be bothered to look for them.

          When you first think back to when you walked into room 307 all those months ago, you wonder how the frilly hell you even fell in love with Laura in the first place. She was so loud, peppy, talkative, and awkward. You disliked her within seconds. So again, how the frilly hell did you get from there, to here? To would-do-anything-for-Laura-even-tell-her-your-sister’s-secret, to doing-romantic-acts-to-woo-Laura, to making-hot-chocolate-for-Laura, to falling-in-love-with-Laura?

          She sighs softly and you turn to watch her fondly. You trace the slope of her nose with your eyes, look at her addictive lips, and linger on her neck. You’ve never been more vulnerable, except maybe when you were pouring your heart out and practically confessing your love without actually saying those three words. That was a rough time. So was the time after you two broke things off. You went off the edge, sure. You threatened, scared, injured, and killed so many people and things during that time.

          But, and this is such a cliché, you know that you’d do it all over again if it meant you got to have this. This, being the time away from everything – saving Silas and the other students, being hunted by Vordernberg, and escaping the Summer and Zeta drama.

          You return to staring at her camera she has set up next to the VCR player. You can’t remember what’s on those tapes, but you know if she wants to watch them, you’ll be right there with her. Even if they drudge up horrible memories.

          She mutters something under her breath and you continue thinking about how you fell in love with her. Only five minutes have passed since you started, but it’s clear – now – how it happened. Your five-minute-ago self wasn’t thinking properly. You know exactly how. You’d think that after being alive (half-dead, take your pick) for so long you’d stop with the whole denial thing.

          Anyway. From the moment you walked into room 307, you had been taken by her. While you did find her loud, peppy, talkative, and awkward, you also found her to be kind, earnest, adorable, and pretty. And gods, she had and still has, the most amazing hair. Straight or curled; it doesn’t matter.

          You think about how looking back on it, you and her were inevitable. And not just because your mother ordered you to get close to Laura. There’s something so captivating about her. You were drawn to her like a moth to a porch light. Even after reading _so many_ books, you can’t come up with the proper words to describe Laura Hollis. That’s another thing you love about her – she’s indescribable.

          You reflect on the past year – is that how long it’s been? If you’re being completely and utterly honest with yourself, you think the falling-in-love-with-Laura thing started when Danny started hanging around. You’re a vampire and the stories do have it right when they talk about vampires being possessive and stuff. You pretty much admitted as much to Laura when you were spilling your (unbeating) heart out.

          (Sometimes you experience what the experts call “phantom limb” except you haven’t lost a limb and it originates in your heart)

          You hadn’t yet reached the I-like-Laura stage, but seeing Laura’s awkward attempts at “flirting” with the TA (even you aren’t cruel enough to insult a dead girl) (also, you did in fact watch every single one of Laura’s videos when she wasn’t around) and _hearing_ Laura talk about their non-relationship ignited something inside of you.

          Now that you’re thinking about it, you remember a moment that you had pushed deep into the back of your mind. You’d thought very, very briefly that Danny could never give Laura what she deserves, not even if she tried for the rest of her life. And the red devil on your shoulder had asked if you thought you could. And you had replied yes. But as soon as you had admitted that, you’d thrust it out of your mind and pretended the whole thing hadn’t happened. Yes, “denial” had been your middle name. But not since you and her had moved into the Dean’s old house. You’ve been wholly honest with her.

          You think that you were between the I-care-about-Laura’s-wellbeing and the I-like-Laura stages when you gave her the batwing bracelet. After all, it was protection against your mother. Any other girl, you wouldn’t have done that. Or worried when you discovered that she hadn’t been wearing it. That she stuffed it under your bed. Your middle name was still “denial” so you denied that fact that you had been genuinely concerned and scared about her not wearing it. That was when you had an inkling, but ignored it.

          Laura reaches out in her sleep, muttering your name. You lean back slightly and touch her hand. She latches on and resumes her deep sleep. You shuffle towards her to accommodate the new position.

          You know now that when you had skipped a party in favor of drinking champagne with Laura, you were definitely at the I-like-Laura stage. Or maybe a little past it. You were cautiously hopeful that perhaps she returned the sentiment when she flirted back. But when it all turned out to be a rouse to capture you, you laughed at yourself. You couldn’t believe how foolish you’d been. You’d said it to them because it’d been true: it was humiliating, being tied up and tricked by toddlers.

          So, when your dear brother Will cut you loose and proceeded to struggle with Laura, you couldn’t help but find it a little funny. A strong vampire such as himself being beat up by a simple human? Funny. But then he had to go and decide to have a snack. And despite your anger and mortification of being captured, you couldn’t just stand by and let it happen. You had to go and punch him, protect the very girl that you were supposed to deliver. That’s when you knew that you were more than a little fucked.

          You did enjoy having an extremely quick snack on Laura before rushing after Will. Served her right for seducing you but not really meaning it. Just because you’re half-dead doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings.

          Laura mumbles incoherently, drawing her attention back to her (always back to her). You disentangle your hands and brush your index finger lightly down the side of her face. You’re blown away by how peaceful and beautiful she is.

          You think back to the night in your room when you showed her what waltzing was like back in the sixteen hundreds. You were definitely in the I-am-totally-enamored-by-this-girl stage. You’d never been so close to her before and it was dizzying. Her smell, the feel of her hand in yours, the innocent look in her eyes. You’d known that you were on a crash course, but didn’t care all that much to change lanes.

          Then came the big doozie. She and the little do-good squad were getting increasingly serious about taking down the Dean. They were so close, but it wasn’t enough. You saw an opportunity to help (for Laura, of course. Always for her), so you did. You were beyond the falling-in-love stage. You risked your own life to help make Laura’s wish come true. It had been worth it.

          When you had come to in your room and Laura was hovering, worrying over _you_ , you allowed yourself to hope again that perhaps she felt the same. For real, this time. And then you kissed her. Partly to shut her up and partly because you really, really wanted to. And boy, had that been _the_ best decision you’d ever made in your vampire life. Maybe only second to deciding not to turn her over to the Dean.

          The way her lips had felt and tasted against yours, the way she’d gripped you tightly, the way she kept fucking talking, it all just added up to the greatest moment in your life.

          Then you two were basically in your honeymoon phase, as much as you hate that term. Soft kisses and warm embraces in the Dean’s old house. She’d upgraded from videos to hosting an actual Silas University news channel. You tried not to show too much enthusiasm, but you were proud of her nonetheless.

          When Mattie showed up, it was so refreshing. Like catching up with an old best friend after several years apart. Wait. _Exactly_ like that. But then she and Laura ended up clashing and you found yourself in a tough position. Take the side of your girlfriend, whom you loved (and still do love) very much, or take the side of your sister, who knows all the bad and good of your past? You tried to stay neutral, and it worked for a little bit.

          But then you wavered and Mattie rekindled the flame, reminding you of what it was like to embrace what you were (and still are). You went out, drank blood, went wild, had fun. And the cost? Your relationship with Laura became so strained that you resented her for limiting you, for guilting you to be good, something you weren’t (and still not sure if you are, now).

          It was inevitable. As inevitable as it was that you and Laura would be together. The talk. Gods, thinking about it twice in the span of one hour is taking its toll. You take her hand again, reassuring yourself that she is real, that you and her are real.

          There’s no need to think about it anymore. You and Mattie went into hiding after Vordernberg set a bounty on both of your heads. Living with your ex is not something you’d like to go through again. When Mattie died, you lost it. Almost as much as you lost it when you and Laura broke up. Even now, you can’t handle thinking about your sister. So, you won’t.

          The whole issue with the angler fish was also coming to a head. And for some reason, you got it in your head to drink the blood. And you went on another rampage, but this time as your feline counterpart. That was a dark time, too. Even though you were so, so angry, you did miss Laura. You refused to admit or acknowledge it. You didn’t even consider thinking about it until she contacted you when you were in the library. Gods, it had been so nice seeing her. She was still incredibly awkward. But it was hard to see her and not remember the betrayal. So, you built up your walls (another cliché that you detest) and went on the defensive. At the last minute, you caved (you always do), but it seemed to have been too late.

          Laura squeezes your hand and you smile. You can’t not smile at her.

          When Vordernberg caught you, you had been fairly certain that he would kill you. You weren’t sure where you stood with Laura. If she was going to sit by and watch. Vordernberg said some things that you thought would cause Laura to waver, but she didn’t. She didn’t. She gave up her hard work and dreams of saving Silas for you.

          Just a few hours ago when you talked with Laura, you saw the toll killing Vordernberg took on her. You did your best to help cheer her up, reason with her. Reminded her of who she is and what she believes in. She fell asleep shortly after you refused to answer her about the Dean being dead. And here you are, sitting next to her, still in love with her as much as you were during the honeymoon phase. You don’t care if she’s ambitious Lois Lane Junior who loves Doctor Who or a sad and confused puppy bundled up in a blanket. _You don’t care if she’s a happy, over-eager dork or a sad, heart-broken lump_. You love her for all her flaws and perfections.

          She stirs awake and you smile when she blinks sleepily and yawns. Adorable, really.

          “Carm? What are you doing?”

          “Just thinking.”

          “It seems like that’s all I do. My brain won’t shut off. I’m thinking about Danny, Mattie, Perry, the Corvae Corporation, Vordernberg, what’s going to happen to Sila-”

          “I love you, Laura.”

          You watch as she comically gapes, her brown eyes wide and searching. She sits up and you take both of her hands. “I know you and I are at an awkward place right now, but I realized that I never actually said the words to you before. Laura Hollis, I love you. I love you so much that my chest hurts at the idea of not having you in my life. I would do anything for you – _have_ done anything for you.”

          You’ve never opened yourself up like this before. Not to anyone, even Mattie or Ell. You can tell that she realizes that, too. Her eyes soften and she tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. You took your bun out.

          “Carm, I don’t know what to say.”

          Your heart clenches, positive she’s not going to say it back. You take a chance because you can’t _not_. “Well, cupcake. Usually when someone professes their love, you do the same. Unless you don’t feel the same way.”

          Suddenly, she’s a flurry of motion and waving hands. “No! No, I do. I mean, I love you, too, Carmilla Karnstein. Geez, I meant that no one besides my dad has ever told me they loved me.”

          You rub your chest, soothing it. You smile and lean forward. Your nose bumps lightly against hers and you crowd her space, brushing your nose on hers. You used to think it was so stupid in the movies, being this close. But you understand, now.

          There’s an intimacy about being in her breathing space, feeling her breath on your lips and staring into her eyes that you’re nearly cross-eyed. You brush your lips against hers, teasing. She whines with impatience and surges forward. Her hands immediately fly to your hair – she loves your hair about as much as you love hers – and you place yours firmly on her hips.

          You push her down onto the mattress, maintaining the lip lock. This isn’t new for you. She tastes heavenly and you moan into her mouth. The pace is slow; you both have so much time. Her hands roam up and down your back. On the third passing, she lifts the hem of your shirt up. You pull back, looking down on her. “Are you sure?”

          She doesn’t hesitate. She nods her consent and you allow her to continue taking your shirt off. You match her, unbuttoning her shark patterned shirt. Her chest is heaving slightly, the swell of her breasts taunting you. You rid her of everything on the top and begin the process of peeling her skinny jeans off. You swat her hands away when she tries to reciprocate. “Let me have this, okay? Let me show you how much I love you.”

          She nods again and you take the time to just look at her. She’s on her back, hair splayed about and pink nipples hard, most likely due to the chill in the library. Which reminds you, you hope LaFontaine isn’t about to barge around the corner. There’s not exactly much in the way of privacy.

          Because you don’t want anything ruining this, you raise your voice, “LaFontaine, don’t come over here for a while! Go in the opposite direction of voice.”

          You hear nothing in return, and assume they heard you. Laura giggles, her chest moving with her shakes. You smirk and begin paying homage to her body because really, she is in fine form.

          You reconnect your lips and explore her mouth with your tongue. You’re somewhat of an expert at kissing, giving your hundreds of years of experience. But, Laura is very skilled. She’s determined to keep up with you and boy, does she. You cover her breasts with your hands, massaging them. You nibble her bottom lip, drawing out a low groan from her. Slowly, you make your way down to her jawline and pepper kisses there.

          When you get to your favorite spot, her neck, you spend most of your time there. You suck, bite, and mark her. Not actual vampire biting. You haven’t brought up that topic with her, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little excited at the idea. Once you’re satisfied with your work, you travel down again, licking her collarbone. They’re strangely sexy, especially hers. It shows, but not in a severely malnourished or anorexic way.

          You roll one nipple between your thumb and index finger, taking the other nipple in your mouth. She whimpers, tugs on your hair, and squirms under your ministrations. She’s always been good about letting you know what she likes and when you’re doing a good job at something, which is almost always.

          You release the nipple with a _pop_ and litter her flat stomach with open mouthed kisses. When you reach the waistband of her underwear, you tug gently and look up at her. “Last chance, cutie.”

          “Don’t you dare stop,” she rasps.

          You continue. You slide her underwear off and toss it behind you. She’s gorgeous, literally. You settle between her spread legs and breathe deeply. You run your hands up her legs and rub her thighs, just below where the heat is radiating. Without giving her warning, you lick a broad stroke from the bottom up. She mewls and grips the sheets with one hand, your hair with the other. She tugs firmly when you suck her clit for a second and then retreat.

          “Carm,” she mumbles.

          You smirk and you know you’re doing a good job. You move up and kiss her on the lips, letting her taste herself. You let your fingers drift up and through the slickness you find. You dip on finger in and then out, quickly. Not giving her a moment of friction. “I love you,” you murmur.

          She nods jerkily, “I know.”

          You kiss her neck again and then return between her legs. You slide two fingers in and suck on her clit again. You feel her muscles twitch around your fingers. You’re surprise she’s already close. But then again, it has been a while since you two broke up. You’re pleased at the thought that she didn’t find someone else during that time. You certainly didn’t. She’s ruined everyone else for you, not that you’d even be able to look at anyone else.

          You tease her a little more, roving your lips everywhere but her pussy. Her hipbones, her nipples, her shoulder, her neck. After five minutes, she’s wriggling and positively impatient. “ _Carmilla_ ,” she groans when you pass by her again with your fingers, brushing her clit. You sigh and decide she’s had enough. You work her up, a combination of three fingers in and out, and your tongue flicking and sucking her clit. She comes within seconds, a low cry of your name. You wait until her muscles stop clenching around her fingers before sliding them out and licking them clean.

          You return to her and kiss her deeply. She looks at you through half-lidded eyes and you whisper, “You’re beautiful and I’m so lucky to have you.”

          Her smile is blinding and she rambles a little before flipping you over. The glint in her eye promises amazing things, so you let her take control, knowing she won’t disappoint. Laura Hollis never does. Gods, you love this girl to death.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hi guys. I saw this post on tumblr. Two pics of Hollstein, one at 2x1 and one at 2x36. bolinshipskorrasmi wrote the best comment, from which I borrowed the italicized sentence, so all credits to them for that bravoness. I absolutely had to write a little something something, so here it is, inspired by those two pictures and the comment. The whole comment was: “The fact that Carmilla looks just as in love with Laura regardless of whether Laura is a happy, over-eager dork or a sad, heart-broken lump means a lot to me.” This is unbeta’d and whipped together somewhat quickly. My first story in 2nd person. I’m pretty happy with how it turned out. Not sure about the transitions, but I wanted to chug this out, so pardon that. Hope you all enjoyed, share and comment! xoxo


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